You invest in your lawn, why not invest in your relational life?
In the last post we looked at discovering Emotional Intelligence (EQ). I recommend you go back and read that again! Today we are going to look at ways to grow our EQ.
The great leadership and management guru Peter Drucker is famous for saying "Culture eats strategy for breakfast" and we know that the cultures of great companies and organizations prove the maxim. Just think of Apple, or Southwest Airlines, or Zappos. Or, perhaps a little more niche, consider REI or Squarespace or Willow Creek. Culture is king in all these organizations. Even when a company makes a strategic mis-step, culture can help it recover: for example, most people would still prefer shopping at Target over Walmart, whatever their view on restroom policies. And culture is rooted in EQ. Having the interpersonal smarts to help ideas and people flourish will cause the culture to become more healthy, and that healthy culture will shine more brightly than any strategic plan! So to grow my EQ, I want to focus first on culture, and seek to improve it continually.
Second, I can grow my EQ through leading by example. Side thought: I understand that even bad leaders lead by example, so perhaps I should qualify that to say Leading by good example! You may have heard that the Golden Rule (treat others as you would wish to be treated) is being superseded in successful organizations by the Platinum Rule: treat others as they would wish to be treated. If I purpose to lead by example and exemplify the Platinum Rule in my organization, I will quickly fail unless I can learn to honestly seek input from those around me. Whether supervisors, peers, or subordinates, I can only treat them the way they wish to be treated if I invest time and energy finding out what that looks like for them! It is easier to do for others what I would like done, than it is to figure out what THEY want or need!
Let's get practical with the four aspects of EQ. Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves unpack each area in their book Emotional Intelligence 2.0. They list strategies in each area and invite the reader to select two or three to work on.
For self-awareness there are suggestions like "observe the ripple effect of your emotions" or "stop and ask yourself WHY you do the things you do" and "seek feedback". Some of us would benefit from insights gained in this area because our self-awareness is the least developed area of our Emotional Intelligence.
In the area of self-management the authors have equally practical, yet challenging suggestions: "clean up your sleep hygiene" (that includes regular sleep times and no electronics or high-demand mental activities before sleeping). Other ideas include "take control of your self-talk" and "speak to someone who is NOT emotionally invested in your problem". You can see that each of the 15 -20 strategies in each category would require significant investment of effort for a person who is weak in that area. That's why Bradberry and Greaves recommend taking just two or three strategies to work on at a time, and then review in a month to see what progress you have made.
The third area is social awareness, and here the strategies are mostly focused on others: "step into their shoes", "catch the mood of the room" or "greet people by name". Thankfully each strategy in the book comes with practical guidance on how to apply each challenge to grow your EQ!
The final quadrant of emotional intelligence is relationship management. Here we apply the principles to the crucial area of making relationships work better. Some of the strategies recommended sound almost impossible: "explain your decisions, don't just make them" or "take feedback well" might be a harder challenge than some of us would wish to accept! How about "only get mad on purpose" or "tackle a tough conversation"?!
Each of these strategies (and there are many more in the book) will build EQ muscles. It may be just as painful and embarrassing as going to the gym for the first time, but the rewards in relational health and the ability to help others thrive and grow, are worth the effort.
I'm committed to growing my EQ, how about you?
Emotional Intelligence, or EQ, (from the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves) has a greater impact on teams than IQ. The authors describe four factors that determine EQ, and we can all learn from them (whether you are a boss or an employee, self-employed, or not currently employed).
Leaders often find a low EQ undermines their leadership, because this is stuff that is harder to control with systems or strategies, yet it affects everyone who follows us!
The good news is that you can grow your EQ. But first you need to assess your current status.
Let's consider each area in turn:
Firstly self-awareness (my ability to accurately perceive my emotions, and to be aware of them as they happen). This is an area I found I could build on when I took the EQ profile. There was room for improvement in my awareness of my emotions. No surprise when you consider I am English and we are not renowned for our emotional self-awareness! How about you? How would you rate your own self-awareness? Difficult isn't it? It may help to think about a time when you were upset with a customer or co-worker: how did you handle your emotions in that moment?
Secondly, comes self-management; which takes self-awareness and uses it to direct my behavior in positive directions (flexibility is a key part of this). Again, I found I scored "Room for improvement" on my profile, which is the result of my merely moderate self-awareness! Even if you rated yourself highly on self-awareness, try asking yourself about a time when you faced a new challenge that made you nervous. How did you channel your nerves into good performance or outcomes? That will give you a measure of your self-management.
The third area is social awareness. this is the skill of noticing emotions in others and understanding what is really going on. I was encouraged to find that I scored well on this: I'm better at noticing what is going on in others than I am at knowing my own internal status. How about you? When a coworker or client was upset with you but didn't let on, did you notice that, or sense it? And what did you do with that awareness? That will give you clues about whether this is an area that needs to be exercised in your leadership.
Finally, just as self-awareness leads to self-management, so social awareness leads to relationship management. This is the ability to use awareness of emotions to manage interactions successfully. And this is at the heart of leadership, because leadership is influence; the art and science of interacting with others for greater outcomes. To get a reading of this in your life, consider the last time you arrived at work upset about something (maybe the traffic, or an action of a family member) but you had to interact with a boss, customer, or colleague who was also upset. How did that go? Were you able to not allow what happened earlier to affect your attitude at work?
Your answers to these four areas of reflection will move you toward an understanding of your EQ. And if you can increase your EQ, your leadership will benefit, big time!
Next time we will look at ways I can grow my EQ.
An important question for every leader is "Why do I do what I do?"
Every one of us has a location, and a role, which may be highly visible or virtually invisible; prominent and authoritative, or seemingly insignificant. Wherever you place yourself on that spectrum I want to suggest that it matters what you do, and it matters more WHY you do what you do.
You may have been in your location and/or position for a very long time; you may be a more recent addition to your ecosystem. You may have a role that is well known in your city, or you may feel like an outsider. You may be a business owner who employs local residents, or a leader or manager in a local organization. Or you may be a little guy - someone few people know or see. Maybe you feel like you are just working in the shadows, struggling to make ends meet.
Whoever you are, someone is following you, and so you are a leader. And so the crucial question is your question: why do I do what I do? I have three words beginning with M to help us focus on that crucial question.
First consider your MOTIVATION. Something made you do what you do. You started out for a reason. What was it? Your motivation matters because it sets your direction. Something drives you from within.
It may be that I’m not addressing your employment with that thought. Maybe it’s some other way you make a difference in your community: a community group that you serve with, or the ways you volunteer in the evenings or on the weekends, maybe your role in your church or other community of faith.
We all have a motivation hidden in there somewhere. What gives you a sense of direction? What purpose propels you? You invest your time, energy or resources for a reason, and at least to start with that reason is your motivation.
So what motivates you? Tell yourself that motivation once more.
That is the reason you are a valuable member of your community. We need your motivation. For me, I coach leaders because I know every person has a unique purpose, and I know my purpose is to help release others into their destiny, and teach teams to be life-giving and fruitful.
And let me throw in a related thought: some of you had a motivation but you’ve misplaced it, left it behind, lost sight of it, buried it with busyness. Maybe you found yourself looking back just now when I asked everyone to name it to themselves. You can recover that - I’ll tell you how in a moment.
I believe there are as many different motivations as there are people reading this, indeed as many as there are members of each community. Each of us is unique, and our towns and cities only thrives when we value and make room for each gift. Those of you who have a faith foundation - it is your calling from God.
Whether you have a faith or not, we need you to be YOU. Identify and express your motivation. Discover what makes you unique and offer your motivation to the common good.
The second word to help us figure out "why I do what I do" shows us something about our motivation: motivation feeds MOMENTUM.
Too many of us struggle to maintain a healthy outlook in life, especially in our divided, troubled world. Addiction to the news cycle will steal your momentum with discouragement and despair. But your city and your region need those who will overcome obstacles for the common good. We need those with the will to win. We need those who can inspire others with their healthy outlook. And that momentum only comes with motivation.
Remembering what fuels you will propel you forward. Those of you who had to look back to remember that you once had motivation, I guarantee you that your momentum is not as healthy as it once was. Maybe obstacles have diverted you, and your outlook has been soured?
Don’t give up. The passion that once inspired you is still in you - that’s why you can still name it. To recover your momentum, you need to refocus your motivation. I’m a fan of refocusing. It is a great way to acknowledge that none of us has it all together. I recently had my eyes checked and started wearing glasses. Now I can see much more clearly. In the same season, my wife and I have started a new church and begun coaching leaders. I’m thankful for friends who have helped me through this process. Now I have refocused my motivation and recovered my momentum. If you identify with a loss of momentum I encourage you to get with someone you can trust and revisit your motivation, refocusing it for today’s realities.
And there’s one more word to add to the equation of "why I do what I do": MULTIPLY.
None of this is just about you. It begins with you recognizing you have something to offer (your motivation). Then your motivation generates your momentum, but you will only maintain that if you figure out how to connect with others.
We come together to multiply our impact in the community. Multiplication makes more for everyone. We are not just dividing up what there is among a growing population. Together we can increase the benefits for everyone. Each unique person in your community has a role in the fabric of the area.
My guess is that you already understand this, because you are reading this. My hunch is that you live, not for what you can get, but for what you can give to your city and your region.
Thank you, and may God bless your unique motivation, increase your momentum, and multiply your impact as you combine your life with others for the greater good.
I have a friend who recently had a heart cath procedure. He had been having some unusual symptoms that were difficult to understand, until a doctor suggested something could be amiss with his heart. It set me thinking about the place of leadership in business and other organizations. Often we forget the central role of leadership in our endeavors, and so misdiagnose those random symptoms we encounter, such as unhappy customers, production challenges, fluctuating staff morale, or economic pressures. We can give ourselves to strategy, vision or personality as keys to success, but overlook the true foundation of achievement and impact.
Experts agree that leadership is the foundation on which businesses rise or fall. Multitudes of books, articles, and websites focus on leadership in business, yet the temptation remains, especially for owners Of small to medium-sized businesses, to neglect the heartbeat of their enterprise - their own leadership.
The US Small Business Administration lists key traits of effective leaders, noting these are essential to business success. Among the qualities they list, many are notable for their apparent lack of connection to business results: emotional stability, social boldness, empathy, and intuitiveness are not commonly linked with profit, or shareholder return. Yet these leadership qualities will make or break a business.
In smaller enterprises, the owner or key leader will need many of these traits to succeed. As the business grows, or in a larger corporation, the characteristics can be spread among a team of senior leaders (provided the team is well-led). In both scenarios it is leadership that is the heartbeat of business success.
Leaders are rarely born; there is a development process to the craft of leadership, and this demands intentionality from us to grow our leadership. No one drifts their way into becoming a better leader. But investing in your leadership by going where leadership is taught and modeled brings huge dividends, because everyone wins when a leader gets better.
Leadership expert John Maxwell is famous for saying that "the true measure of leadership is influence; nothing more, nothing less." Everyone has influence to some degree, so the question is not whether you have influence, the question is whether you are stewarding it or not. This challenges me to remember that a great leader isn't someone who leads; a great leader is someone other people want to follow.
So let me encourage you: heed any unusual symptoms in your business that could point to a heart issue. How is your leadership? Could it be better? Of course it could! What will you do to improve?
You are a leader. Your job is to grow as a leader, to steward your influence, to stay fired up, to get inspired, encouraged and equipped. Then your business, organization, enterprise, family, neighborhood, city will benefit from you becoming someone others want to follow. Everyone wins when a leader gets better!
Those of us who have been in leadership for a while know that the world is changing, and yesterday’s leadership will not work today. Old leadership worked mostly by knowing and telling. Leaders in the past have been trained (whether by example or experience) to work at leadership roles, seeking to advance in some way. They see leadership from the paradigm that leadership responsibility, and the accompanying authority, is a reward for diligence and faithfulness. This is positional leadership.
Today's leadership is different. Todays leadership is solely about influence, and influence grows in the dirt of relationship! Relational leadership is a foreign language for positional leaders. Position is hierarchical, and leads to comparison (a subject for another post) and competition. Often positional leadership can be achieved by changing to become like another successful leader. Relational leadership is different because you can only cultivate relational influence from a true understanding of yourself. Then you have the potential to build influence through authenticity.
Incidentally, this gives rise to a new definition of leadership: a leader is someone who finds they are being followed. They may or may not have a title or an office, but others follow them.
January is a time when many of us invest time and energy in new initiatives and new projects.
May I suggest you start with a thorough self-evaluation?
Discover why you think, feel, and act the way you do.
Clarity cultivates authenticity.
You will be able to be more relational and less positional.
Authenticity will influence those who follow you.
You can invite those you lead to follow the same path.
As each one gains clarity, and grows in authenticity, your team will grow in leadership, influence, and impact.
How can I help?