My story: why I coach communication.
Notes from Episode Two of the Communication Mastery podcast.
I’m originally from England and was raised in a typical suburban English family. We talked regularly about practical things, even life goals and aspirations, but seldom got below the surface. I never grew up with communication mastery.
I struggled to form solid friendships or even life-giving relationships as an adult. The surface seemed like a safe place.
When I met and married Jane, we avoided going deep in the early years, and my work life suffered from this inability to understand and connect effectively with others.
Eventually, our family ended up in a setting where it was safe to be honest; everyone expected it and lived this way. For us, it took a change of nation, but UK listeners to the podcast can do this without leaving!
I discovered that community can be life-giving and vibrant. And communication is the fuel for that to take off.
As I continue the story, let me pause and give you today’s communication mastery takeaway: The journey looks like this:
Discover, understand, adapt, repeat.
First, I discover something about communication (and that usually starts with me).
Then, I set myself to understand the insight I have found.
Next, I use that understanding to adapt to others (who are invariably different from me).
Then, I repeat that cycle, gaining mastery as I move forward.
Back to the story: I understood two things when I discovered a healthy community. They both relate to communication:
1) I am wired in a certain way that is unique to me; I don’t have to try to be different because that’s how I SHOULD be.
2) Everyone else is different, and I can learn to adapt to their needs to connect and benefit one another.
I love profiling tools because they give you a snapshot of yourself.
However, if the tool puts you in a box, learning to adapt to others in different boxes is a huge challenge. This is the drawback of profiles that type you into one or even a combination of distinct categories.
Conversely, some tools give you such a broad insight into your strengths that you could never remember all the options to understand someone else.
Early in that healthy community experience, I was introduced to the tool I use and recommend today: the Life Languages™ Communication IQ system.
It’s so simple that I can understand and apply it in every interaction.
Yet it’s also so powerful that I’m still discovering more value with it, more than 20 years later.
I’ve trained to coach this tool and now teach others to coach using it!
We’ll talk about it on the podcast; at least some of you will listen because you’ve experienced its value.
The Life Languages tool is woven into the rest of my story. First, it changed the way I see myself. I have a much deeper understanding of how I’m wired now.
Then, it changed how I relate to others.
I used to ask Jane, “What do you think?” when we had a big decision. She would struggle to answer. Then I realized that her top two languages are not cognitive (thinking) - they are emotive (feeling). So now I ask, “What do you feel?” and Jane can answer quickly!
Remember our takeaway for today: discover, understand, adapt, repeat.
Now, I approach conversations to understand which of the seven Life Languages is most effective for this interaction.
As I saw the value in my relationships, I decided to train and coach others so they could grow in communication mastery.
That’s why we’re here. I hope you’ll join us and invite friends and colleagues to journey with you.
You can listen to this episode using the links below.
